You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
