omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
