Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
