shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
