It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
