too bad you live with your parents still
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
