Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
