Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Randomize
