Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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