I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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