and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he thought i was a dude.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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