So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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