Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
