i already hear my dad disowning me
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Randomize
