We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
