4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
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idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
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guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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