So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
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i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
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The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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