Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Will you blow on my dice?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
