even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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