Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Someone signed my nipple.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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