Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
