I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
