Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
