ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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