apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
