i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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