People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
