If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
