That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
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so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
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SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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