I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
