How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
