Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize