Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
