you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
