i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
