Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
