; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
