If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
