I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
