So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The cops high fived after they tackled you
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
