I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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