In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
i out mim tonsoeep
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