If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
