he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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