Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
