"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
