he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize