who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Randomize
