all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
