just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
