Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
