Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
