It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
