literally had 100 drinks last night.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
