last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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